Kaleidoscopic breathing exercise.

Already? Really?

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:13:13 GMT

For serious? Ryan Gofus is engaged? How am I at the age where all my childhood friends are getting married? When did this happen? When did we get old enough? Seriously?

..Seriously?

Vive les dinosaures!

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:57:13 GMT

So tonight instead of writing my final big French paper, I made a tiny flying dino animation for Rich & Co. to use on the opening of their film. Good news: I can do it. Bad news: my French is not getting anywhere near done. One out of two's not bad.

[3:47AM Edit: Also, just found out that Mr. Asshole from the end of last year has officially moved back here. I've never hated anyone as much I hate him. After seeing him on campus once this semester, I can't imagine running into him when it's just the two of us. I get nauseous thinking about it. What is that feeling? Betrayed? Maybe. I'm just left with this overwhelming "What the hell did I do?" and anger at all the hurtful things that he's thrown in my face. I hate knowing that he's out there around campus. I have fantasies of Rich running into him and taking a swing at him. This is going to come out wrong, but the closest analogy I've got is that it's like knowing your rapist is out there, free to run into you at any moment and you're powerless to stop it. I'm torn between wanting to ask him why and wanting to hurt him physically. The shittiest thing about this is I don't know how to let it go.]

[4:02AM Edit: I'm losing my mind. I get so nauseous and so angry. I'm losing my mind.]

$!

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:35:39 GMT

So, last night I found out that my design for the new local Michiana Area Currency was picked to be printed! That means that for the next x-years my bills will be circulated in 7 counties in the Michigan/Indiana area. Now I don't feel so creepy for hiding out behind trees by the side of the road to get pictures of the Amish. Well okay, slightly less creepy.

When you put the back of the bills together, they make the bridge over the St. Joseph River:

Windchill, anyone?

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:13:02 GMT

As of 9:09AM today:

Yes, that's a -20〫F windchill right there. In the daytime.
And yes, I will be here for another year.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:41:52 GMT

Quand l'oiseau du sommeil pensa faire son nid dans ma pupille,
il vit les cils et s'effraya du filet.

- Ben Alhamara

Dear you,

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:21:39 GMT

You're lucky you still have a face right now. Haven't you graduated? Don't you have a job? I know it's sad that no one wants you, but coming back and hitting on freshman Saint Mary's girls is pretty low. Had you been anywhere else but LaFortune, I would have given you what you had coming. I'd like to take you on in person where you can't hide behind voicemail or Facebook. There's no excuse for the shit you've done and said to me.

Please crash on the drive home.

Thanks, Tim.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:38:41 GMT

It turns out that if my boss files my payroll papers late, I don't get paid until the next pay period. Which means all the money that was supposed to magically appear in my bank account today will not. Which means no income for a month. That's great. Really. And he's off vacationing in Florida, so I can't even go demand he pay me out of his pocket. I want to break something. Perhaps his legs.

Just the past.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:03:38 GMT

Tell me how, do I get to know you?
You untie me as if I were a shoelace
You let out all I can hold between my buttons
With you I get nothing

Even if, I gave you a mountain
On a bad day you don't think your are at the top of it
Then how can I change that
When it's in your fundament?
You can't take a compliment

Take a rest with me after a long day
Foots on the table
Don't take them down down down
Don't take them down

Is it your parents?
Or just the past?

If you should reach what you aim for
Don't kid yourself to blame for
What's obviously not your fault
Then laugh this away
You won't get to hear
what I really have to say

What I see is not what you think I see
And what I think is not what you think I think
I know me, but you don't know me
Cause I don't know you

But take a rest with me
After a long day
Don't take them down down down
Don't take them down

Is it your parents?
Or just the past?

Gripes? Is that the word? I don't know english.

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:17:59 GMT

Been having crazy dreams lately. Really vivid, often disorienting, and altogether unsettling. I'm not sure what sort of nonsense has to be going on in my subconscious for this stuff to show up in my dreams, but I think I've had enough now, thank you.

In other news, Pete continues to call my mother and cry on her shoulder. Doesn't he have his own mom? And just tonight he's starting dishing the dirt on Caitie and all the horrible things she's been doing. I'd sort of like her to keep what little sanity she has left, so it'd be awesome if he could just quit calling. I feel bad for him, but come on man, let my mom be.

And a walrus I drew. Because he's cute. And I like cute.

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:55:16 GMT

It is somehow oddly comforting to know that he will be so far away from me, probably for the rest of our lives. Also freakish that that email came today.

I am officially official.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:33:25 GMT

This month my signs & banners for Sunoco went public!
I have taken so many photos, you'd think these things were my children. More later!

Turnpike.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:59:52 GMT

I took it like a grown man crying on the pavement
Hoping you would show your face
But I haven't heard a thing you've said
In at least a couple hundred days
What'd you say?

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 12:03:27 GMT

Goal: Make it to all four classes and work today. It's bad. I've got 3.5 semesters left of school, and my work ethic has permanently gone MIA.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:06:14 GMT

Everyone in my family has lost their mind.
Flying home on Friday to pick up the pieces.

On, off. On, off. Off.

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:57:47 GMT

So, wedding update. The world has turned upside-down, but as usual, continues to revolve around Caitie. She's pretty sure she's calling off the wedding.. three weeks before showtime. The final decide-by day is Tuesday, and she's gone MIA in the meantime. My dad's a grab-for-the-kitchen-knife away from killing her, since everything's pretty much all paid for and non-refundable. I think she's a fool if she cancels this. She's nearly impossible to deal with on a daily basis. No one's ever going to love her the way Pete does. 48 hours till the final word, but the cancellation notices are already in line at the printer's. I guess we'll see.

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:07:29 GMT

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:59:18 GMT

..at least this week.

also, sometimes I have a room that is not messy.

Stuck.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 06:43:02 GMT

I'm terrible at staying in one place. Two weeks anywhere and I'm itching to leave. I keep thinking things will change. I worry sometimes that this need to always be on the move won't go away. How do I "settle down" one day? How do I start a life somewhere with a stable job? Or worse, how do I make a life with someone?

Where do you go to escape when everywhere gets old this quickly?

No surprise.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:09:42 GMT

It is August 31st, and I am wearing a sweater. Why? Why?

Photobucket.

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 04:58:39 GMT

Complete fail with the Diana experiments. I hardcore miss my Lomo. And I should have done more adventuring this summer. Been sifting through photos from the past four years. I keep forgetting that the only way to make more photos appear is to keep clicking. I keep forgetting that I've got film overflowing my fridge. Bah. I miss photography. Craving a little creative time.

Fleurs.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:42:13 GMT

Sometimes I for real think I should give up any sort of creative photography and go straight into making postcards and nature shot screensavers. I wonder what that pays? I also wonder how my eyeballs are still staying in my head, because they're pretty mad they don't belong to someone who actually sleeps.

Snapshot.

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 22:58:00 GMT

Diana F+ film tomorrow, finally! I gave the photo lady warning that what she was about to develop wasn't going to be pretty. She laughed. I meant it.

Also, this world has become a crazy place when I keep checking Facebook to see if I'm still in a relationship.

Years past.

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 03:45:15 GMT

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:51:16 GMT

For real, everyone knows what's best for me other than me. Forget "the difficult teen years struggling for independence", it's being right where I am that feels like the worst. I'm old enough to drink, decide what to do with my body, be responsible for paying for all my own things, find jobs on my own, run my own life, and the like. However, I am not able to pay for my ridiculously priced education. This teensy little fact allows my father to keep me so tightly wound around his finger that voicing my own opinion on anything is impossible. All I need is for a little over $100,000 to magically appear on my doorstep, and I would be free. Whoever said "money can't buy happiness" was seriously delusional.

Jetty.

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 06:38:54 GMT

Driving home today I stopped in a Wawa parking lot to catch a bit of a nap. I tried to be all sneaky about it by parking in the back lot behind the building in the far corner, and scooting my seat down all the way to hide me. An hour later when I woke up, there was a guy leaning up against his pickup truck right nearby. I peeked my head up and saw he was staring straight at me. Pretended not to have noticed. An hour after that, when I woke up for good, I looked out and saw the same guy, still there, still staring, only now from the driver's seat of his truck. Freaking creepy. Who are these people and why must they live in New Jersey?